- (Jam 9 pagi tadi)
- Vini: Kak bibah, kak nada sekarang itu ya... (sambil ragu-ragu nunjuk gue)
- Gue: Apa, Vin? *curiga*
- Vini: Hehe, kelihatan rada berisi, kak.
- Gue: Beneran?! Yesss!!
- Vini: Hahaha. Emang mau naekin berat badan ya kak?
- Partner: Dia mah emang makannya banyak.
- Gue: Akhirnya naek juga..! *pasang gaya sumringah kayak yang abis dapet medali emas lomba makan kerupuk*
- Partner: Helehh *nyureng*
I study counseling yet I hate to be counseled by a counselor. Well, I could quite understand why some people perceived counseling psychology negatively. You thought we could read your mind, right? What a ridiculous stereotype. I think it is most likely that people hate being with psychologist or counselor because they know in a second they’re gonna face the harsh truth about themselves.
I realize, I also have this tendency to avoid sharing my deepest thought with most people on this earth, especially those with psychology background. I dunno why but it’s hard to trust people, for me. I found that it is essential for me to maintain certain boundaries with others. Telling them your thought and feeling is the same thing as letting them to know the real ‘you’. And it makes me feel uneasy. In my opinion, it’s better for me to repress my thought & feeling, and push it far deep down into my unconscious level so I could remain calm and at peace. I did this most of the time when I am facing a very stressful event. Yet, it doesn’t mean I never ever share anything to anyone in my life, though. I used to talk to some of my close friends and a boyfriend, too, only once I’ve filtered the story and I’ve felt better & comfortable about myself. It helps me to be better on trusting people and developing strategies in order to fix my problem. I think most of us do the same thing, don’t we? We hate to find out and acknowledge the bitter truth about ourselves, so it is more likely for us to hide it from others.
Aaaand yep, yesterday, I was forced to attend a counseling session for the sake of completing my intern. Well, I have no choice but to share bit of my worry to my counselor.
I hate that, I really hate that.
As a trainee counselor, I’ve met dozens of clients sitting in front of me admitting their own weaknesses and I can see how much it hurts them by being truly honest about themselves. Sometimes I could see their wounded face that brought me to tears. They often apologize to feel the way they are. Some people are unaware about what they truly feel, and some are fully aware yet they get too comfortable by not showing it. Feelings are so tricky, right?
Same goes to me.
Since I study about ‘these things’, I am aware with my feelings and my pattern of thinking most of the time. I could describe and identify what is going on inside my head, yet, ‘knowing what is going on’ and ‘understanding how things could happen’ is two different things. By being the client, I am forced to spit out what has been hidden deep down inside my head and by another minutes I’ve shown my counselor my wounded face. And I apologized.
“Every time you show your feelings, you apologize. Have you ever had an emotion in your life that you weren’t ashamed of?”
- R.J Anderson, Ultraviolet
Of course I would not talk about my problem openly here. It is worse enough to talk about it yesterday with my counselor, which is also my intern partner and my roommate as the same person. Telling her my own weakness made me feel bad about myself. I realize how bad I’ve been as a person, it could have been much worse I think. Yet, still, I’m lucky to be surrounded by those friends who could understand my weirdness.
Admitting the harsh truth about ourself is like swallowing a bitter medicine. We apologize to ourself for having the disease, and it gets better eventually. You just need to find someone you could trust your worries with, the right medicine with the right prescription.
All of us need someone who can handle our darker sides. Those who will stay not only for the good but also for the bad. You are lucky when you could find.
And I’m glad I have one.
Love is unique. It’s never the same from person to person. It’s finding hope in every day. It’s learning something new about a person every day, whether that person is yourself or another. It’s about compliment, not completion. It’s about growth. It’s about a journey. It’s about discipline, adventure, rebellion, and compromise, all at once. It’s about a simple smile being enough to bring light to the darkest of times. It’s about a reminder that you are not alone. It’s an opportunity to inspire, and to be inspired. It’s a place of safety. It’s a place of comfort. It’s for and through God. It’s the most unexplainable form of happiness, the most incredibly fulfilling form of success. It just is.
Anonymous asked: Hi how r u today? How's your weekend?
I’m good. My weekend was awesome !!!
Do not teach your daughters to be ‘pretty.’
Do not entomb her in a pretty pink tower
and insist that only the degree of her physical appeal
may set her free.
Teach her to fight her way out,
to consume books and spit knowledge
to lesser boys who insist she is just beautiful
and nothing more.
Teach her to love her body
not to manipulate and put a price tag on herself
as a defined worth
she shall be immeasurable
she shall be more than this.
Do not let her break herself down
when the boy in kindergarden hits her
because he likes her.
What are you really teaching her?
Pain and love are not synonymous
neither are pretty and perfection.
Teach her to be kind
to be harsh
to be demure
to be wild
to be sensitive
to be thick-skinned
But good god,
Do not teach your daughters to be ‘pretty.’
Belajar sama Syafiq
- Syafiq: Kalau hati itu ibarat nahkoda, akal itu ibarat awak kapal dan badan kita ibarat kapal itu sendiri. Hati dulu lah yang harus selalu inget sama Allah dan menjadikan Allah sebagai tujuan, baru akal akan ikut mikir hal apa aja yang perlu dilakukan untuk sampai ke tujuan. Dan badan kita akan ikut perintah akal untuk berbuat kebaikan.
- Gue: Hati ya nahkodanya bukan akal?
- Syafiq: Hati, kak.
- Gue: Oh, jadi kalau orang-orang jahat itu kebanyakannya hatinya yang udah pada busuk ya?
- Syafiq: Nah, tuh paham. Perbuatan yang kita lakukan adalah cerminan hati kita. Sama aja kayak kalo kakak jatuh cinta sama orang, hati kakak akan diisi sama orang yang kakak cinta, trus akal kakak akan mikir gimana caranya bikin orang itu bahagia kan.
- Gue: Oh.. (Kurang asem. Berasa gue yang mudaan dari bocah ini, padahal dia yang baru umur 20 taun. Can you stop being so awesome, Syafiq?!)